Getting your license in Japan is retarded

Let me tell you it’s been one year being in Japan, and one thing that has been freaking a boil on my butt is getting my driver’s license here. If you’re not aware it’s really easy if you’re from the UK, Australia, or Canada because all you need to do is fill out some paper work and they give you a license. But if you’re from anywhere else in the world prepare for a f*ck load of shit because you’re going to be spending a lot of time and effort in getting your license.

I started to take the test around August last year. I was only able to take it about a handful of times because I practically had just arrived in the country as a refugee from South Korea. I didn’t really have the money to spend on taking a test multiple times. I had to buy things for my apartment and what not still. It was frustrating because I kept getting zeros and they weren’t telling me why. I’ve taken it a total of 10 times now. Each time you apply it’s 2,200 yen so that’s 22,000 yen. Then add the 1,000 yen for gas I pay for the 3 hours drive back and forth from the stupid DMV. It’s literally in the middle of no where for some reason. So I’ve spent a total of 32,000 yen (about $400) on this shit. Not to mention they keep you down there all day.

I wake up at about 5am just so I can get there in time (between 9-10) to buy the little stamps that go on the application. They keep all the foreigners in their own little area, and you have to wait forever to get processed each time. I don’t know what it is with Japanese and taking their time on application processes and getting shit done. Do they like having people wait in long ass lines all the time? It’s like they all have their thumbs up their asses with this shit. Why do Japanese love pointless bureaucracy things? In the West, it’s all about getting shit done asap because it keeps the ball rolling. But in Japan it’s like you need the assistant manager’s stamp, the section manager’s stamp, the janitor’s stamp… That’s how this shit is here in this country for some reason.

It pisses me off so much. My first five times were zeros. Three of those five times were from apparently going just a bit over the line at the stop sign and they weren’t telling me at all! More about how I found this out later. My sixth time I finally got a 30. My seventh time I got an instant zero because I didn’t know that apparently even though a car is coming from the left side and they’re far away they still get the right away. My eighth and ninth times were both 45 points. And my tenth time was a zero much like how I was getting in the beginning.

So, I finally found out what those zeros with the little stop sign next to it meant. It was from going over the line just a little bit at the stop sign. Man, I was so pissed off that day because I thought I did real well, and the other Brazilian guys who were there said so too but just because I went just a tiny bit over I get a zero. The instructor even got out of the god damn car and measured that shit. At the end the instructor might or might not give you a tip about your driving. This time he said to me, “You drove very well today but since you went over the line a little that’s dangerous.” BULLSHIT! You just want my money. Now I can understand if maybe 5 or 6 out of 12 people were passing each time I tried taking it but out of the ten times I’ve taken the test I’ve probably only seen a total of seven people pass. Why are they so strict?

It’s so ridiculous because I’ve been driving since I was in high school now, and I’ve never had an accident or any problems. Hell, I’ve been driving in Japan for a year now on a temporary license and had no problems. More like Japanese drivers have almost hit me or have shocked me from how piss poor they are. It’s so funny because the driver instructors are so strict and picky but the driver’s in my prefecture are said to be the worst in all of Japan! These instructors just want you to be perfect and you can’t. It’s stupid that it’s on a course which isn’t a very good reflection of real driving to begin with. When I was learning to drive in America, it was my dad and I and we went on the real road to drive because that’s how you get shit done. I don’t understand the Eastern mentality of taking tests. In my mind tests are a nice way to check knowledge and weed out applicants but it doesn’t equal merit or ability. You could know how to take a f*cking test and get 100 but be piss poor at applying that shit in a real situation. But apparently to Asia and Japanese especially a test is fine to see if you’re fit for the job or whatever. For Japanese, it’s all learning how to pass the test for whatever it is. Nothing about real application.

The driving test is more ceremonial if anything and nothing like how it is when I was in America. They want to make sure you check your mirrors all the freaking time like you’re paranoid. I was told that I didn’t put on my turn signal within the 30 meters before the turn one time. How do you tell that? I’ve encounter a many Japanese driver who don’t use their turn signal or they might slow down and stop then indicate the turn. I AM SO SICK OF THAT TOO. DAMN IT YOU JAPANESE! YOU INDICATE FIRST THEN YOU GOD DAMN SLOW DOWN TO TURN. I’m not a mind reader.

I’m on the side of the fence that this is just a money scam to steal money from foreigners. Foreigners don’t pay anything as much as Japanese applicants pay. They have to pay about 300,000 yen for their driving school lessons and whatever it is they have to do. Our written test is only 10 T&F questions while their test is 100 T&F questions. Overkill. If they were really concerned about us driving and actually really recognized anything there would be a higher ratio of people passing. The problem is there is no sort of standard for foreigners. It’s subjective to the instructor you get that day. I’ve heard people that said one time they were told they drove too slow, and the next time they were told they drove too fast. WTF? I don’t know if Japanese get it but for us we don’t get any sort of paper or reason why or where we failed. And that’s frustrating. Even if we just got some kind of map of the course with lines or a mark would be helpful. I can understand that maybe it’s like we should already know why we failed, but it’s ridiculous because I’ve been driving for a number of years now and one year in Japan without issue. I’ve never had an accident but I’m not meeting some kind of weird perfect standard of theirs.

From where I live, it doesn’t really seem like Japanese actually do any of the shit I’m being strictly tested for. Ugh, it’s just annoying and now starting Tuesday I can’t drive legally in Japan. I don’t know how I will live my life or get to work. I was against it but my company wants me to take driving lessons today which cost 4,600 (roughly $50) because I can drive but don’t know how to drive in Japan because driving in Japan is SO different. I find it funny because they say to me, “Going to a driving school is like getting extra points on the test.” It’s stupid and that is where it is a scam. These driving centers fail you so much because they want you to go to the driving schools and get a lesson. Then you show them you went to a school and they go easier on you when you take the test. You suddenly know how to drive to them. Well, I was against going but my company said they would pay for the lesson if I would happen to pass my driver’s test on the next try. I can’t wait until this whole driving license shit is over.